Resource for Parents and Teachers Dealing with Bullying
Resource for Parents and Teachers Dealing with Bullying Author
Interview with Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis, Milton’s
Dilemma By Lisa M. Hendey
We hear all too frequently about the devastating escalation of
“bullying” in today’s society - young lives destroyed forever,
families ripped apart, and a pattern of violence that seems to
be ever increasing. Concerned parents and teachers need to be
informed about recognizing and dealing with bullying, and a new
book from authors Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis provides a
great resource.
Milton’s Dilemma (Providence Publishing, June 2004, hardcover,
32 pages) tells the story of ten year old Milton and his
struggles to fit in at a new school. Written in an engaging
fashion and featuring eye catching illustrations, the book shows
Milton’s varying reactions to the harassment he faces and his
struggle to make the correct decision about his tormentors. This
book doesn’t duck tough issues, providing an excellent
springboard for conversations in your home or classroom with
elementary school age children. Additionally, through their web
site at www.joyfulproductions.com and their school
presentations, the authors are busy working to advocate for
children’s literacy and safety issues.
Authors Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis share the following
perspectives on their book and on confronting the issue of
bullying.
Q: Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis, authors of Milton’s
Dilemma, please tell our readers a bit about your family.
A: Johnny and I are married and live at Lake Wallenpaupack in
the Pocono Mountains with our 16-year-old son, Alexander. Family
is our top priority. We draw our inspiration from love and
laughter, and get our strength and courage from the support we
receive from our extended family ties.
Q: I read that John has childhood experiences related to
bullying. What prompted you to write Milton’s Dilemma and what
message would you hope to spread through this book?
A: Originally, Milton’s Dilemma started out as an entertaining
story about a young boy who had trouble making friends. However,
since we write as a team, once we have a basic story idea, John
and I begin developing the back-story (history) of the
character(s) as part of our process.
When you write with a partner, it is important to come to an
agreement early on about the goal of the piece you are writing.
Focus and direction are even more important when you are
collaborating, or it will impede the process and you will end up
spending your writing energy on winning an argument. So, before
we get down to the actual writing, we talk and take notes.
In the particular case of Milton’s Dilemma, as we explored our
main character’s difficulties in adjusting to a new school, John
shared with me an incident of bullying that occurred when he and
his brother were young. It quickly became apparent that this
time in their lives played a significant role in their own
character development. That led us to research about the affects
of bullying. This research, combined with John’s experiences
flowed over to our character development. From that point, the
tone of our story took a turn and our entertaining tale found a
message and purpose beyond the original concept.
Experts estimate that almost 75% of today’s youth will be
involved in some aspect of bullying before they enter high
school. Lack of safety is a top concern for young people, and
bullying is a real and constant threat. A child’s emotional
development is just as important, if not more so, than academic
development. In fact, a safe, healthy emotional environment is
essential to academic growth and success.
The message we hope to convey is that bullying is a form of
harassment and violence. The consequences can have lasting
repercussions. By developing Milton’s character and exaggerating
the extreme situations he encounters, we hope to gently evoke
sympathy and understanding so that the child reader can see (and
feel) those repercussions. We hope that through our story,
children will not only be entertained by the fantasy element of
Milton’s Dilemma, but that they will also recognize their
similarities and gain the courage and strength to celebrate
their uniqueness and reserve judgment until they truly get to
know one another.
Q: Please discuss the plot of the book for readers who have not
yet read Mitlon’s Dilemma.
A: A ten-year-old boy named Milton Hastings, Jr. moves to
Smithville, a common occurrence for his military family. This
move is without his father, who died a war-hero. Milton
struggles with the changes around him and has difficulty making
friends. He quickly becomes a target for the school bullies.
Milton wants to get back at the bullies, but a mischievous gnome
named Duffy McDoogle guides Milton on a journey of friendship
and self-discovery. This journey allows Milton to choose his own
path, to learn the consequences of his actions and to realize
just how special he is.
Q: Why is Duffy’s role significant to Milton’s story?
A: Duffy McDoogle is a magical gnome who speaks in rhyme. He
appears to Milton in the form of a dream after Milton vows to
get even with the school bullies. This character acts as
Milton’s conscience, initially pushing and prodding Milton, but
ultimately, Duffy’s magic helps Milton to see what the
consequences of his actions would be. Duffy’s character is very
dear to me; he represents my Mom and her wisdom.
Q: Are there signs a child may exhibit if he or she is being
bullied, but is afraid to speak with a parent about it?
A: Children usually set off little signs by complaining about
taunting and teasing from a classmate, but parents tend to
dismiss this as commonplace. If these subtle complaints are
ignored, it could be the only time a child will speak up.
Victims of bullying feel ashamed and tend to view themselves as
failures.
If you notice that your child is hesitant to go to school, or if
your child complains about stress related illnesses such as
headaches and stomachaches, these are warning signs that
something isn’t right. If your child comes home with unexplained
bruises or scratches, or torn clothing, question them
immediately. If personal possessions are “lost” or missing, or
if your child is hungry after school, it could mean a bully is
taking their possessions, lunch or lunch money.
We should always be concerned with a change in our child’s
demeanor. Agitation, unexplained anger, and withdrawal are also
signs. Humiliation, fear, anxiety and depression are the
constant companions of a child that is bullied. It can lead to
harmful, shocking and unexpected behavior from an otherwise shy
or timid child. In extreme cases, the victim of a bully can
experience sever depression and entertain thoughts of suicide.
Q: What steps should a parent take if he or she feels that their
child is being victimized by bullying?
A: If your child won’t open up, but you suspect a problem, speak
with the school to find out if anything unusual has happened. Be
diligent in your search for answers. Your child has a right to a
safe and healthy learning environment.
Because there is a strong likelihood that your child will be
exposed to bullying behavior, whether it is as a victim or
bystander, parents should prepare their child beforehand.
•Teach your child to walk tall and proud and to maintain eye
contact. Portraying a positive, self-confident stature will help
your child cope in many areas.
•Be certain to compliment your child and gently encourage
changes that will bolster self-esteem. Use positive words that
validate his or her rights as a person.
•Use role-playing techniques to illustrate proper responses to
negative situations. This will build strength, courage and
provide your child with valuable emotional resources to pull
from in times of trouble.
•Help your child to identify role models, from sports heroes to
everyday man. Discuss the obstacles and accomplishments they
endured, focusing on the resilient human spirit.
•Read stories together that inspire. Discuss how strength of
character and perseverance can achieve a positive outcome
without resorting to violence or force.
•Encourage your child to keep a diary or journal, write poetry
or songs. Writing provides a safe outlet for your child and
creativity and self-expression are helpful tools used to work
through negative issues.
•If your child has difficulties making or maintaining friends,
intervene - friendships are a protection against bullying.
Identify children that might have things in common with your
child and arrange a visit.
•Encourage your child to join activities both in and out of
school that will result in friendships while building strength
and confidence.
Q: How can we proactively decrease instances of bullying with
future generations?
A: Become involved and make certain your school has active
anti-bullying policies in place. Disciplinary guidelines,
procedures for investigating and reporting incidences of
bullying, adequate supervision, and an immediate plan of action
to address reports of bullying are key elements to a successful
program.
Q: How can families promote non-violent means to settling
disputes between children?
A: When your child is involved, it is difficult to separate
emotions from the equation, but it is essential to maintain some
distance. It is natural for children to argue and disagree, vie
for position amongst peers, and at times, satisfy their need for
acknowledgement at the cost of others. When you witness
unacceptable behavior:
•Immediately stop the bullying by standing between the children
involved and explain family and house rules in a matter-of-fact
tone. For example, “That was bullying. In our home, we solve our
problems by discussing them, not hurting each other. I will not
allow this behavior.” •Don’t ask what happened or demand that
each child tell their side of the story. This should be done
privately. It can be very uncomfortable for the victim to speak
up. Since bullies are aggressive, it will make your child feel
tormented all over again. •Don’t ask for apologies or for the
children involved to make amends in the heat of the moment.
Separate them for a time and allow a cooling off period. Chances
are, they will want to get back to playing and will make amends
on their own. •Keep a close watch on future playtime. Remain in
close proximity and intervene at the first hit of trouble.
Your own actions are the true teachers. Be aware of your
responses, especially when your children are present. If you
argue and verbally strong-arm the clerk in a grocery store for
ringing up an item incorrectly,
Q: Please share some of the work you are doing in schools to
promote literacy and to decrease bullying.
A: Johnny and I developed a school program based on our book and
research. The program features an animated reading of our story,
personal experience, original songs and an anti-bullying
slideshow presentation. We also have a lesson plan with
worksheets, puzzles and art projects.
Q: Has music and writing been a healing means of dealing with
past bullying experiences?
A: John was a shy child and music was his solace. From a very
young age, when something was troubling him he would lock
himself in his room and write songs to express his emotions. He
took his childhood experiences and wrote the songs for our
presentation from each point of view. The children relate to him
because of the honesty he conveys thorough his music. We
strongly encourage the pursuit of creative endeavors such as
writing and art to help a child with self-expression and
confidence.
Q: Are there any additional thoughts or comments you’d like to
share with our readers?
A: Literacy, bullying, prejudice and crime have direct
correlations. Foster and promote literacy in your home. Share
the magic and joy of reading with your child at a young age and
continue to promote it always by making special trips to the
library and giving books as gifts. When you hit a bump in the
rocky road of parenting, you turn to others you respect for
advice. If you need to get a point across to your child, but
struggle with the words, use a book or story to help get your
message across.
For more information on Milton’s Dilemma visit
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0965166198/catholicmomcom
Lisa M. Hendey, wife, mother and webmaster of
http://www.CatholicMom.com and http://www.ChristianColoring.com
is an avid reader and writes from Fresno, California. Visit her
at http://www.lisahendey.com for more information.
